Fake it or F**k it!

I understand that we grow older..

we tend to be more

protective..

This is what i have become and what i have observed so far..

However, protective doesnt mean you ne

ed to be fake infront of your friends..

i understand you need to be fake in order to be able to blend into a bunch of friends.

But when you are not genuine..

there will be times that your mask will "drop" accidentally..

Please do not pretend to be noble, high cl

ass and appropriate as if you are one.

Please be yourself.

Find back the group of friends that suits you..

If not in the end

you will find that you will be trapped in t

heir shadow..

pressure by their behavior..

lost yourself in it..

I care for the person I'm indicating too but I cant speak to..

because my words and influence are not

as powerful as the power of "being own" in a group.

Nobody wants to be alone in the society..

Only the powerful mind, strong hearted, determined principle people can do that and i'm not the one of them..

Sometimes i wonder should i just scream at the p

eople who is faking around or i just close an eye and forget what is happening..

Someone told me: Just don't care what is happening and continue to act as if you are enjoying the company..

So this is what true friends is all about?

Acting?

instead of telling off the person you care?

Or because you realized that everyone is a gold mine to you?

and someday you will need them financially?

What if I have nothing left? Will you treat me that way as you did?

upset as I am..

I am still grateful that apart of all this

I have another bunch of friends who is sincere..

Doesn't care anything about you past or future..

and just enjoying the time being together..

Maybe that is why we do not involve each other in beneficiary issues..

We do not think that we are the best friends but we treat each other sincerely without a thought of taking anyone for granted..

you may think that i'm very shallow talking about this issue..

whilst this is normally happening when we were teenagers with all the peer issue..

however, Maybe because i do not how to treat people in a diplomatic way..

Don't the people felt it if you are just faking your smile? i can feel it though..

Don't the people felt it when you talk nonsense just to entertain them and get to know them? i felt it though..

It is scary how diplomatic one can be as young as me age.. Bribing actually happened already among us..

Maybe I'm too naive? or maybe i'm not up to your standard?

One told me: you should sacrifice in order to keep you friends around you..

Please justify to me about this..

Until now i still cannot accept this statement..

Tell me you think that this is right..

Or am i too stupid to understand..

Ya I'm too stupid and blunt to actually differentiate whether the tears are flowing from the heart or from the brain..

Yet this is again another cruel facts for the weak soul like me..

As pathetic as it is..

I know when the time is not right..

I will walk away..

That is when you know..

My heart has given up..

And i assured you..

I will never fake my tears and smile to the one i care..

Reminiscence

Went for a photoshoot last semester break..

Never thought that it turn out to be quite okay..

Kinda happy with the outcome..

Looking back at all those years..

all these 23 years..

I still hold on with the " The judge the book by its cover" principle..

You will never know that the person that u hate might one day become your boss.

Always try to understand a person before you decided to despise them..

unless u have tried and they are really not the person you would choose to hang out with..

As time passes..

People grow older.. wiser..

and most importantly..

more self protective...

accompanied with less trustworthy, less sincere..

So.. cherish your true friends around u and keep the

m feel loved..

Dont think that it is because they are your friends..

You think it will be okay to let them wait hours for you..

Do things for you..

Can just take anything hers without permission..

And take your friendship for granted..

True friends should be loved, kept and not taken granted for..

and should be treated with respect too!

I'm glad that till these days..

there are still some left in my life~

U know who you guys are..

U will have my respect for being truthful, sincere..

last..

another photos of mine~

Ending the Year of Rabbit~

Time flies..

Year of Rabbit ending soon..

and the last week is accompanied by so much of painful tooth.. T.T

Yet..

Im so afraid to go to the dentist..

Afraid of the excruciating pain of tooth extraction..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christmas ended with a meaningful charity performance by Banting Orchestra.

Played percussion this time..

and glad that i performed better than practice..

haha!

First time playing different instrument on stage..

Still prefer to play erhu though..

WIsh everyone had a great Christmas and Happy New Year.. <3

What a relieve~

Finally

Exam is finish~

Exam..

Talking about this i have been having exam since i was 6~

until now...

every year i will need to undergo that tension

i wonder how long to go before that kind of tension stops..

Exam is a very irony things sometimes..

It is suppose to test how much knowledge that we have gained in that particular subjects that we have studied..

But for some reasons..

Most of us tend to forget 80% of the things that we have studies immediately after exam..

So what is the purpose to exam actually?

Learning like tat makes me feel like what we learn is just to pass the exam but not to empower the knowledge we have learned..

but yet this is the policy that we cannot change so we can just accept that and hope the best for our exam~

Exam ends..

Happy..

Relieve..

so.. what's next??

(* another dilemma in thinking how to spend the 1 month wisely.. )

Self Reflect..

There are times when you do not know whether your decision made is right or wrong..

because we cannot foresee the consequences of the decision..

If we were to know the consequences..

Life would be easier right?

But, life is never easy..

Always..

we make decision base on our self interest..

which is best benefit self..

we will tend to choose that decision..

this is the norm~

I used to be making decision base on majority interest..

As time goes by~

I realize that people do not actually care about you have done and think that you are obligated to help them..

I do not have a Buddha's heart and this change me into more self-conscious person..

I understand that we should help people without asking back anything..

I did..

instead of not getting back anything..

i got worst~

so should one be so kind till letting people taking everything for granted?

dilemma much

one be kind to people 100 times but did not get back any thank you

one be mean to people 1 time and get all the hatred forever..

do u even consider that fair?

As i have said..

Life ain't easy..

should i be more firm or just try to keep quiet and keep everyone happy?

彷徨

人

总是会选择成群的生活

因为怕寂寞，怕被人用异样的眼神对待

我也是一样

怕寂寞

所以也选择了成群生活

人家说

有两个人，就会产生政治

何况是成群生活？

那我要选择去面对政治呢？

还是离开成群生活？

矛盾. 彷徨.

面对着大家

看似很多朋友

但怎么回到家

夜深时

孤单的感觉却一一浮现出来

好困哦

想每个人开心真的很累人

想不理别人的眼光真的也很难

想不理别人的冷言冷语更难

为何人越长越大

那道隐形的墙就越来越厚

人的心就越来越难猜测

防备心也得越来越强

那 我还能找到真心的朋友吗？

我还能相信身边的人吗？

彷徨.无奈.失落.寂寞.

New ain't good stuff

Was supposed to accompany grandma to get her hair permed.. but the hair stylist decided to do something with my already dried curl hair... hahaha..

Has always been wondering how will I look with a curly hair.. Not quite a fan actually.. Maybe due to my small eyes.. it doesn't look really nice on me..

Might need to wait for next few years before i decided to opt for this curly hair look then.. Straight hair will still be my best look at the moment.. ><"